Oh, here we go. That's Not My Cat. The humans like to read this book a lot, so I join in to show my allegiance. It's a bit repetitive, but I do like this one. It's better than That's Not My Unicorn. Plus, these humans actually have a cat living in their house, so there's always a little chuckle over that.
That's not my cat, the humans say, pointing at the front cover. Its tail is too soft. Obediently I reach for the textured part of the book. Yes, they say lovingly, well done!
They open the book and I read the next one quickly in my head, but of course they don't know I can read. I try to turn the page again before they've finished saying the line, so they don't get suspicious.
That's not my cat... I try to turn back to the previous page this time. Ha! No, the humans say calmly, we turn it this way! They are a very patient species. We would normally abandon our offspring if they showed such little intelligence after so many months.
That's not my cat. This next page is a good one to keep my cover - the textured bits are actually the cat's paws, but there is a picture of a ball in the middle which has darker patches on and so I grab for that instead. No, the humans say fondly, it's the paws! They guide my hands to the right bit. I don't think they have any idea yet.
That's not my cat, they read aloud. I start to tune out a little - to be honest I could recite the book to them by this point, but we're still pretending I can't speak either, so I mustn't give the game away. The other day at breakfast I forgot, and when they asked if I wanted more porridge, I said "no" without thinking. The humans stared at me in surprise, and then laughed, which was odd, but I think I got away with it.
That's my cat, they chorus on the final page, grabbing hold of my hands to make sure I feel the fluffy ears.
I'm not sure why they enjoy this book so much, especially as I've seen much more challenging material on their bookshelves. Maybe soon they'll read me Pride and Prejudice, or The Ladybird Book of the Zombie Apocalypse. I want to know how that one ends - I read most of it the other day, but I had to stop when they came to see why I was so quiet and I pretended I was just pulling all the books off the shelf again.
Nevertheless, it is a nice and calming pre-sleep routine, and I will report back that all humans do this before the offspring get to have their nighttime milk. It must be an ancient tradition.
